Blah

This week has been pretty good, until the weekend. I had gotten down to 318....woo-hoo. Friday I weighed and had gained 2lbs...booo! I know I shouldn't be weighing myself everyday. I know that the first 6 weeks are not focused on losing weight. I know that I need my first fill, because I can eat a lot before I feel full. I know I'm not going to lose weight overnight...damn it! I know my doctor said I would plateau and possible gain a few pounds. I know I need to get my ass off the couch and start walking...which I did twice this week.

I know all these things but this weekend has been hard on me....emotionally. I feel like I'm going to be fat for the rest of my life. I can't exercise without my knees hurting and I'm gaining weight. Yep, throwing a pity party for myself. Well yesterday afternoon, I realized why I was throwing one. Good old crimson wave came to visit with a vengeance. So, I watched "My Sister's Keeper" last night and had a really good cry and went to bed.

I know this is going to take time...lots of time but those little voices in my head are telling me I should be losing it faster and daily. I've read some blogs and forums this  morning and found out I'm not the only one who has gone through this. It's very common to gain prior to your first fill. I need to quit beating myself up inside because it's driving me even crazier than I already am. Hopefully, this next week won't be so depressing. Ups and downs...I'm all in now! Till next time :)

Beer

So, this week has been pretty good. I've been able to eat just about anything that I've wanted.
Everything gives me gas, so I suppose I won't know which foods do in particular.
Of course, other than the obvious. I've been stuck at 323.6 lbs all week...kinda sad.
Until today when I woke up and I'd lost a pound. WOO-HOO for a pound. :) I usually don't lose weight on my work week anyways, because I retain fluid and of course working night shift my body does crazy things. Ok ok...on to the disheartening news I learned
tonight.

I was cancelled from work tonight...woo-hoo! First thing I did was call Landen and see what they were doing. Then I grabbed a Raspberry Wheat Shock Top...yummy! As I was drinking my beer I thought, hmmm...is beer carbonated?? (I can't have anything carbonated because the bubbles can possibly stretch my new pouch and the band can slip) Yep...beer is carbonated :( Sad sad sad day! I've had a Blue Moon and two Shock Top's since surgery...damn!

I came in from outside and told Eric. He said, well I guess you're going to be a wino...lol Thank gosh I love wine. So, on those occasions when I splurge and have wasted calories, it will be a glass of wine instead of a beer. I know y'all are probably thinking, it's beer...who cares?? Well, I do! Haha! So, I will stop at the gas station on the way to Landen's and get that fancy wine from there...Till the next one!

I cheated!

So, here's an update. Things have been really depressing around here the last 2 weeks and I thank God for the family and friends that I do have. I started eating soft foods last weekend. Started with some good old Pintos and Cheese from Taco Bell....lots of protein. I did fine with those, other than the massive gas I got from eating 5 bites of them. I've been adding new foods daily to see what I can eat and what I can't. Unfortunately, I haven't found anything that I can't eat!! Who knew? Basically my meals have consisted of boiled eggs, tuna fish salad, wheat thins, baked chicken, veggies, and some fruits. I tried toast yesterday and it was delicious. I wasn't that big of a toast fan, but when I'm scared to try bread (which I love) it was amazing! Drinking lots of water has been difficult some days, but I'm managing anywhere from 50 - 60 oz a day.

Ok, so on to the cheat. I got home yesterday from a friends and my house smelt like fresh baked cupcakes. Seriously??? Well, we ate dinner and I didn't eat a single cupcake. Very proud of myself at that point. Last night around 9 I caved. My rational was that I had only had 2 meals yesterday, why not a cupcake for a 3rd. It was delicious and I enjoyed every minute of it. Then I felt bad for like a millisecond and I went to bed. I woke up this morning and of course got on the scale. I was thinking CRAP I've probably gained weight. I was wrong...I'd lost 2lbs in a day. I'm gonna start eating cupcakes every night!! HAHA So, since surgery (2 weeks ago) I've lost 14lbs. And since I've started dieting a total of 77lbs. YAY! I don't see it, except for my boobs. I'm going to be able to wear just band aids before too long...hahaha! Until next time!